Fidelity

 Hey everyone!

Wow, I learned so much this week that I had no idea about! I am seriously so grateful for this class and all that I am learning about marriage and family because I know it will really help me if I apply it. There is just so much I am not aware of that I feel like I really should be! Things that can really change my perspective and help me to gain understanding. We talked about intimacy and fidelity in marriage this week. I had a huge perspective change with fidelity. The way I saw it before was that of course you don’t want to spend lots of time alone with someone of the opposite gender if you’re married, or do things that might lead to you developing feelings for that person, but I didn’t think there was any harm in having friends of the opposite gender or spending time with coworkers of the opposite gender. I thought that if your love for your spouse was strong and you both trusted each other that those types of things were fine because falling in love with someone was something that obviously wouldn’t happen to you. You had already found your love and didn’t need anyone else. This week, however, my eyes have been opened and I have realized that infidelity can happen to anyone if they allow themselves to remain in risky situations. It really doesn’t matter how much you love your spouse or if you really are just friends with the person you want to spend time with. Which means we have to be very careful about keeping ourselves and our relationships safe, and aware of any warning signs we may not recognize at first.

Learning about these things reminded me of an experience one of my friends had in high school. She started dating a guy, but was struggling because he had a close friend that was a girl he still spent a lot of time with. She brought up several times the fact that she wasn’t very comfortable with it, but he brushed it off and assured her that they were just friends. It continued to be a problem in their relationship, however, and she eventually ended it. I have to admit, at the time I thought she was being a little dramatic and that it was okay for her boyfriend to have a friend, that if she was in a relationship with him that should mean she trusted him. But now I see that I was completely wrong. In class, my professor (who was a marriage and family therapist for 30 years) told us a story of two couples who would go jogging together regularly. Then one of the men was injured and one of the women had a baby so neither of them could run for a little bit. The other man and woman continued jogging together and had conversations as they did. The man soon found himself developing feelings for the woman and comparing her to his wife. Luckily, he realized what was happening and was able to stop it before it got any farther. That story and a few others that he told really shocked me. It’s crazy to think that two well-meaning people can start developing feelings for each other even though they are married. No one is immune to it and it’s important that we keep ourselves safe and stay out of those risky situations. Another important thing to note is that affairs aren’t necessarily always physical. They can also be emotional. If you are going to someone other than your spouse for your emotional needs, that is a connection you could have had with your spouse instead. Sorry, this a pretty heavy topic, but I just think it’s really important for everyone to be aware of! I hope it helps all of you to feel empowered to have a strong and successful marriage!