Parenting

 Hey everyone!

This week in class we talked about parenting! Woot woot! I feel like I need all of the help I can get in that area, haha. I am really happy about the way my parents raised me and I sometimes worry that I won’t be able to provide the same opportunities and learning experiences for my future children. It can be pretty tricky knowing what is best for children because there are SO many resources on parenting that seem to contradict each other at times. Should we go for the more strict side of parenting so that our children learn how to be responsible and respect adults, or should we be more gentle and understanding to help them develop emotional intelligence? The conclusion I’ve come to with everything I’ve been learning is that balance is definitely needed with everything when it comes to parenting. I still have a lot to learn on this subject, but we discussed some really useful things in class I want to share with you today!

Children have needs that must be met as we all do. We discussed a model that shows several of those needs, the mistaken approach children use when they don’t know how to ask for what they need, and how we can respond as parents to meet their needs so that the negative behavior will stop. The first need is physical contact and belonging. When this need is not being met a child tends to use “undue attention seeking” by being extra obnoxious and loud. The problem is, this will often cause a parent to want to put even more distance between them and their child because they are annoyed or frustrated. The positive parental responses for this need are to offer positive contact freely and to teach your child to contribute. Children are small and inexperienced, which can lead them to feel like they’re not needed. Teaching them to contribute and giving them opportunities to help with things like household chores or cooking can make a world of difference.

Another need children have is the need for power. A couple of ways they may seek this are by rebelling against their parents or trying to control other children around them. Parents can meet this need by giving their children responsibilities and allowing them to make choices and experience the natural consequences that come as a result. Protection is a very important need for children. A way they might act out if that need goes unmet is by seeking revenge. If they don’t feel safe they will likely take things in a more personal way and seek to get even. Two things parents can do to prevent this are to be assertive and show forgiveness. It is important to be assertive, particularly when sharing our emotions. That is something that is difficult for many people to do, but it can greatly benefit relationships. Especially with our children! Withdrawal is another need children have, meaning they sometimes need to step away from events that cause them stress. They might demonstrate this need with “undue avoidance.” It’s really important to give them the breaks they need and help them work through the situations or tasks that are difficult for them. The final need I will discuss today is the need for a challenge. Children may resort to dangerous risk-taking if this need is not being met. Parents can help by encouraging skill-building. This will help children to push themselves and feel accomplished in a safe and healthy way. This is just a small snippet of the many important principles of parenting, but I think it’s a really good foundation to help us have an understanding of why our children act the way they do and what we can do to help.