Preparing For Marriage

 Hey everyone!

This week we talked about transitions in marriage! We made a list in class of all of the changes a person might experience in just the first month of marriage and it was crazy to see the length of the list we came up with! From big things like the way you budget and spend your money, to little things like what temperature you like your house to be at, there are many decisions to consider when beginning a life with another person. When speaking of these questions newly married couples face, the Textbook “Marriage and Family: The Quest For Intimacy” says, “Many of them deal with practical matters of work, dealing with debts brought into the marriage, housework, and so on. But there are also many important questions involving the ways you will relate to each other. Will you openly show both positive and negative feelings? Will you give both positive and negative feedback about each other?” Being prepared for these adjustments and compromises can make for a much smoother transition. So how do we prepare for these things? That is the topic I would like to address in this article!

First, I think there are many things a couple can discuss and prepare for before they are married. Especially with the quote from the textbook about the emotional aspects and learning how to communicate. Communication skills are definitely something a couple can develop as they are dating and engaged. It is really important to be able to talk to each other in an open and honest way where both people feel listened to and validated. In the same textbook as above, the authors wrote, “Newly married couples tend to have certain relational strengths that enable them to deal with the challenges and problems of forming a new family unit. Among other things, they are likely to have a high degree of mutual trust. They respect and appreciate each other. They are committed to the marriage. They enjoy high levels of affection for each other...They engage in a good deal of self-disclosure, sharing their thoughts and feelings.”  I think that mutual self-disclosure is key. When in a new relationship, people tend to be worried that they are not doing enough to make their partner happy or that their partner is keeping negative feelings for them secretly. But consistently talking to each other about your feelings can really help to build that mutual trust and those feelings of safety that are so important in a relationship.

Another topic we touched on was deciding if a person is the right one for you to marry. Many people struggle to make that decision because it is such a big commitment. One thing I learned that I had not thought of before was that it is important to pray separately from your partner about that particular decision. I thought it would be good to pray about it together since you would be making the decision together, but I learned that it might be easy to confuse the
spirit you feel in that experience with an answer of “yes”. So it is really important to get an answer on your own and then come together to make the decision. It is also really important for you to receive an answer, not your partner for you. If he or she comes up to you and says, I prayed about it and I think we should get married, you still have to get an answer for yourself! It has been really cool learning all of these important principles before I get married myself because I feel like I will be much more intentional towards dating and marriage moving forward.